I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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