hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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