so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize