I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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