you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Vodka?
Forever.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Randomize
