Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
