By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
