if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
