I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
My liver is preforming stress tests.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
