i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You are a genius and a whore.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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