he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
