Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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