I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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