i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
