im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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