I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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