Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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