we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize