Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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