god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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