I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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