R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
