No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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