I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
