The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
