CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
