sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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