9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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