you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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