Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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