sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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