God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
