but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
