A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
