How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
