I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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