when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
