it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
