You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
