If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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