I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize