It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
