If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
