I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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