i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize