I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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