Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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