I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I DEMAND FORESKIN
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
