Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
