The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
