I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
