I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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