Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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