9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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