Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
