So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
