I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
