So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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