we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
