I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
When are your genitals available?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
