My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
