Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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