she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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