Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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