escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
