How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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