Swine flu. Run for my life!
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
