Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
