so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
