DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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