they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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