RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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