Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
