I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
