i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
