I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
