I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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