he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
